


i've got my reasons

by starkidpatronus



Category: Groundhog Day - Minchin/Rubin
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Fear, Femslash February, Femslash February 2018, POV Third Person, POV Third Person Limited, Prompt Fic, prompt: fear, return to punx
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-12 22:03:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13556484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starkidpatronus/pseuds/starkidpatronus
Summary: “Do you love him?”“Yes,” she says honestly. “Yes, I do.”“Why?”“Why?”“Like…what do you love about him?”Everything I could have loved about you,Rita doesn’t say.





	i've got my reasons

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Femslash February AND HAPPY GROUNDHOG DAY!!!! Oh, how I miss this show that meant so much to me. Messing around with the what ifs of life.
> 
> Title taken from "Midnight Train" by Sam Smith.

                Rita and Phil visit Punxsutawney a year after the alleged loop, which Rita still isn’t sure she believes.

                As soon as they get out of the car, she goes to the pharmacy to get some aspirin, since she has a dull headache from the drive. She’s still wearing her on-the-road clothes. Meaning, she is still wearing her puffy jacket, unzipped over her raggedy sweatshirt, over her threadbare sweater. And sweatpants and those ridiculous boots Phil had gotten her last year.

                She’s looked better in her life.

                And there’s Nancy, leaning over the counter, talking and smiling and laughing with the clerk, who looks thoroughly enamored. _Well_ , she thinks to herself, frozen to the spot as soon as she sees Nancy through the store window, _who wouldn’t be_.

                She should want to see Nancy. After all, they kept in touch for a little while after Rita’s last trip to town. It had petered out, naturally, as these things do, but had been nice while it lasted. Maybe she’s even thought about reuniting with Nancy, daydreamed about this moment.

                But now that she’s actually faced with it, she...can't face it.

                She glances around for another entrance; of course, there is none. _A town with one of everything_ , Phil’s voice plays in her head. She pushes it away.

                If she walks in the front door, there’s no way Nancy won’t see her, won’t want to say hi and catch up, won’t want to go to dinner that night. Won't ask about why Rita stopped texting her. Won't ask about whether they had been flirting or not, and Rita still doesn't know the answer to that question. And Rita—Rita just can’t go through that right now.

                She turns around and walks back to the Bed & Breakfast. She’ll get the aspirin later if her head really starts to pound.

***

                “Babe, is everything okay?” Phil asks as they cuddle on the beg together, watching TV on the old set in their room.

                “Yeah, ‘m fine,” Rita mutters, shifting slightly in Phil’s arms. “My head just hurts a little.”

                “Do you need to take more aspirin?”

                “Er—I never actually got any.”

                “What?” Phil asks, brow furrowed. “But you said you were going to the pharmacy when I went to see Ned.”

                Rita hedges, “Yeah, but…I…got lost.”

                “Lost? How is that possible?” Phil says, laughing a little. “It’s right in the center of town!”

                “Well, not all of us know this place as well as you do, Mister Loop-de-Doo!” Rita spits out, and immediately regrets it when she sees the hurt in Phil’s eyes. “Sorry; I didn’t mean—

                “It’s fine,” Phil replies, but his jaw is slightly set. Still, he asks, “Do you want me to go get you some now?”

                “Isn’t it closed by now?” Rita counters. “Small town hours, you know.”

                “Mm, you’re probably right,” Phil concedes, his tone slightly flippant. Rita lets the next few minutes pass in a tense silence, the TV now playing some trashy reality show neither of them are watching. Then, she leans over and kisses up Phil’s jaw, trying to soften it.

                “I’m sorry,” she murmurs between kisses. “I’m sorry, I was careless. I’m sorry.”

                Phil sighs, turning his head to accept her kisses. He smiles softly when they pull away, foreheads touching and eyes closed. “’S all right,” he murmurs back. “It’s just—It’s still hard sometimes, you know? Thinking about it.”

                It’s moments like this when Rita really does believe in the whole loop thing. At least, believes that it was real for Phil, who still always gets so affected by just the mention of it. “I get it.”

                “Do you?”

                “No,” Rita admits, smiling slightly. Phil gives a short chuckle. “But I get you. So, that’s enough, right?”

                “More than enough,” Phil affirms, smiling as he pulls her in for another tender kiss. As it progresses, though, it becomes more heated, more passionate. With more of an endgame in mind. It doesn’t take long before she feels the evidence of that goal against her leg.

                “’Good thing _I_ made a run to the pharmacy while we were home,” Phil says huskily against her lips, taking a condom out of his pocket and holding it up proudly.

                “Phil Connors,” she admonishes lovingly, shaking her head as she straddles Phil’s lap. “What am I gonna’ do with you?”

                “I don’t know,” Phil answers, grinning as his hands settle on Rita’s waist, “but I’d love to find out.”

                And if Rita thinks of blond hair and blue eyes when she comes, well, who has to know?

                ***

                “Rita?” Rita freezes at the sound of her name. She knows that voice. Of course she knows that voice. “Rita Hanson?!”

                _Come on, Hanson_ , she tells herself, _grow a pair_. Then, she reprimands her inner monologue for being sexist. But her inner monologue tells her to shut up about all that right now, Nancy is walking over!!

                “Oh my God, Nancy, hi!” she exclaims, standing up and stepping to the side of her and Phil’s lunch table. “How are you?”

                “Better, now that you’re here!” Nancy replies, pulling Rita into a crushing hug. So thoughtlessly sweet. They stare there for a moment too long, but Nancy apparently thinks nothing of it, still all smiles when she pulls back and asks, “What are you doing here?”

                “Oh, well,” Rita answers, “Phil and I are taking some time off work to visit.”

                “Oh, how sweet!” Nancy remarks. “Phil’s the guy you came here last year with, right? For your story?”

                “Yeah, that’s him.”

                “I’m glad you two are still friends.”

                “Ah—well…we’re…sort of…” Rita clears his throat, wondering how the hell she hadn’t told Nancy about this sooner. It just had never come up during their texting conversations! _Liar_ , a voice in her head accuses. _Shut up_ , she tells it. Squaring her shoulders, she is about to tell Nancy this is her and Phil’s anniversary trip, when Phil returns from the bathroom.

                “Nancy?” he says as he walks up, a hesitant smile on his face. “Nancy Taylor?”

                “Um…yeah, hi, Phil!” Nancy replies, clearly finding Phil’s overfamiliarity a bit odd, but not commenting on it. Rita is grateful for it as she casts a fond look Phil’s way.

                “It’s great to see you!”

                “You, too!”

                “How have you been?”

                “Oh, I’ve been getting along,” Nancy replies, her smile faltering every-so-slightly. Slightly enough for Rita to question whether it even did at all. “How about you?”

                “Ah, every day is Heaven when I’ve got her by my side,” Phil answers easily, wrapping an arm around Rita’s waist and squeezing her. He leans over and kisses Rita’s cheek. Rita watches the realization write itself all over Nancy’s face.

                “Oh, so, you two are—wow, that’s—oh, that’s great,” Nancy says, a new falseness in her smile. “Really, congrats, both of you.”

                “Ah, thanks.”

                “Yeah…thanks,” Rita mutters, not meeting Nancy’s gaze.

                “Hey, are you free tonight?” Phil asks suddenly, and Rita knows exactly what’s coming. And she also knows there’s no way for her to stop it from happening.

                “Yeah; no plans or anything.”

                “Then you’ve gotta’ come to dinner with us tonight,” Phil suggests.

                “Oh, I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Phil—” Rita starts, trying fruitlessly to halt this train going rapidly off the rails.

                “It’s a great idea!” Phil insists. “Ned’s gonna’ be there. And Freddie and Debbie! Plus, Ralph, Gus and—oh, it’s the whole gang, Rita! Really, I don’t know how we forgot about you, Nancy.”

                Phil’s trying to be nice, trying to kid around, but he’s so thoughtlessly careless sometimes in his attempts to establish relationships with people.

                “I’ll be there,” Nancy declares. Then, she looks directly at Rita when she says, “’Wouldn’t miss it.”

                Dread settles deep in Rita’s stomach.

***

                Rita doesn’t spend that much time picking out her outfit. After all, she only has two dresses to choose from. Not that she’d spend more time if she had more options. She wouldn’t.

***

                Dinner is going well as it possibly can go. Then, Phil takes her hand on the table while they’re all having coffee with dessert. And feeds her a bite of tiramisu. And brushes a crumb from the corner of her mouth, and seals her mouth with a kiss, to the “aww”s of everyone.

                Everyone except Nancy, who excuses herself to use the restroom. Rita pretends not to notice.

                When Nancy returns, she tries to pay. But Phil refuses to accept her money, insisting that he and Rita will pay, and oh, Rita loves him, she really does.

                And then Nancy puts on her coat, says she has work early tomorrow, and leaves hurriedly. Everyone wonders out loud about what happened to make her act so weird.

Rita almost goes after her. Almost.

***

                Rita knows Nancy is a paralegal, so she goes to the only law firm in town. The woman at the desk asks if Rita has an appointment with Ms. Taylor. Rita is about to make up some lie, when Nancy walks out into the reception area.

                Her eyes fall on Rita, and she immediately starts for the front door.

                The receptionist calls after her, “Ms. Taylor, is there anything I can—”

                “No, Denise, I’m fine,” Nancy calls back. “I’ll be back in a few!”

                Rita only allows for a moment of shock, before starting after her.

                “Nancy—Nancy, come on, wait up!” It’s pathetic, but Rita can’t keep up with her; she’s walking so fast, and Rita is more out of shape than she would care to admit.

                Nancy comes to a dead-stop, spinning around on her heel to face Rita, gaze hard.

“Well,” she says with no preamble. “I guess I know why you stopped texting me back.”

                “Nancy, I—”

                “It’s fine, Rita,” she cuts her off, still angry but…tired. “I was just another game to you, like I am to everyone else. It’s fine; I’m used to it. I get it.”

                “No, it wasn’t like that—”

                “Then what was it like?”

                “I got scared!” Rita bursts out. “Look, Phil and I weren’t official yet, and…you were…breathtaking. But I’d never felt that way about someone before. And I’d never felt…anything _romantic_ for a woman before. Phil was just the easier option. So, I chose him.”

                The silence between them is too much for Rita to take. Nancy just keeps _looking_ at her, likely reading Rita’s face for any sign of dishonesty. Rita bites her tongue to keep herself from begging Nancy to say something, _anything_.

                Eventually, all the anger visibly goes out of Nancy in a long sigh. Looking away from Rita, she asks, “Why didn’t you just tell me that?”

                “’Cause then I’d be admitting it to myself,” Rita answers, shocked at how easily the words come. Nancy nods, lips pursed. “I never meant to hurt you.”

                “What does that matter?” Nancy asks derisively. “You still did.”

                “I know,” Rita accepts. “I’m sorry. I can’t give you more than that.”

                “I’m not asking you for more than that.”

                “Aren’t you?” she challenges. “I mean—If that were true, you’d have forgiven me once I apologized. So, obviously, you want more.”

                “All right,” Nancy says, rolling her eyes. “That’s enough, Sherlock.”

                “What do you want from me?”

                “What do you _think_ I want from you?” Nancy throws back.

                The air is full with all the things they’re not saying as both refuse to be the first to break eye contact. “I can’t give you that,” Rita finally says. “I wish I could. I wish things were different. But I can’t. And they’re not.”

                “Do you love him?”

                “Yes,” she says honestly. “Yes, I do.”

                “Why?”

                “ _Why?”_

                “Like…what do you love about him?”

                _Everything I could have loved about you_ , Rita doesn’t say.

                “He—listens,” she says instead. “And he’s funny. And smart. Sweet, in his own way. Sarcastic enough for me to not feel bad about being mean to him. He’s a good man.”

                “I don’t doubt it.”

                There’s another impossibly long stretch of silence, before Nancy sighs and inquires, “Do you think it could have been us?”

                “Yes,” Rita says instantly, and maybe she shouldn’t, but she does. “I do.”

                Nancy gives a small, sad smile and nods. “Yeah.” She blinks away tears, looking up at the sky. “Yeah.”

                “Hey.” Rita reaches out and takes Nancy’s hand. Well, doesn’t take it; really, she just touches it where it rests at Nancy’s side. Nancy looks down at where their hands meet. She doesn’t pull away. She closes her eyes, and Rita does the same.

                For a moment, this is all.

                This is all.

***

                A year later, Phil proposes to Rita while they’re visiting Punxsutawney again. She says yes, and the smile on his face is enough. It’s enough.

                (It’s almost enough.)

**Author's Note:**

> Lemme' know what you thought! And I'll be writing a femslash fic for every day this month; lemme' know if you have any requests for pairings/prompts!!


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